A Survivor’s Guide to Gay Cruises: Part 1, What to expect?

Picture this, you’re a newbie gay and you wanna go on a gay cruise for the first time. But oh dear god you don’t know what to expect and honestly, the thought of you on a floating tin can with thousands of men alone makes you feel flustered enough to have a panic attack. Don’t need to be overwhelmed, this article is here to help you gain a better understanding of what to expect so you can best prepare

So, What should you expect to see on a trip like this? The event itinerary on a gay cruise changes with every cruise so as not to bore regular patrons, but some things remain pretty standard. Some of the stuff you might see include:

 

Themed Parties

Theme parties are a staple on a gay cruise and its an added plus if you love to party and do dress-ups – although calling it a “dress-up” at a gay cruise is quite incongruous. For every cruise, all the parties have specific themes. People can get incredibly creative and you can wear anything you want at all, albeit most people just turn up in jockstraps and harnesses but don’t let that stop you from dressing up a little costumey. Here are the typical themes you can expect to see every year:

  • White Party – it’s rather self-explanatory, wear all white. You can wear whatever you want as long as it’s white in color. You could even dress as the pope if you’d like - though whatever’s happening on the boat is far from saintly. For the whole entirety of the cruise, you’ll see a lot of asscheeks and bare chests so you could simply wear a jockstrap and harness as well if you’d like.
  • A Military Themed Party – think camo, think dirt, think gun oil, if you're Singaporean think of your days in conscription. Grab some camo speedos, some boots and you are good to go. If you want to take it further, you can even don a leather harness, a dog tag and maybe throw in some face paint too. 
  • Various Costume Themes – The cruise will also host themed costume parties. Themes will change for every cruise, but don’t worry, they’ll send you the itinerary as well as the theme when it draws closer to your cruise departure date. You’ll have ample time to prepare. Trust.

A diverse blend of people
A common misconception when it comes to gay cruises is that it’s for one specific age group. In actuality, you’ll be able to see people from as young as 20 all the way to as old 70 on that cruise. You may also argue that you don’t fall into the stereotypical “hot and attractive” category of men. You’ll find that people come in all shapes and sizes and that’s no different when on a gay cruise. So don’t worry about yourself too much, everyone’s just there to have a good time.

Cabin Cards
Because Wifi comes as a premium charge on any cruise, you might notice that guests are opting for a cheaper alternative, cabin cards. Nifty little things, they are ordered by the guests for the cruise, they often feature the guest’s photo, name, and details like their phone and/or room number. It’s a good way to make friends and socialize, plus location services don’t exactly work while you’re in the middle of the ocean, so Grindr can’t help you when you’re on board.

 

It’s not just a floating orgy on the seas. Do whatever you want!

A gay cruise isn’t just an “all-night-partying-and-sleep-till-the-afternoon” rinse and repeat cycle nor is it a floating gay sex cruise – I mean, it could be if you want, but you don’t have to partake if you aren’t comfortable. There’s so much more for you to do on the cruise. Mind you gay cruises, and normal cruises have the exact same amenities. There’s so much you can do, you could go shopping, go to the arcade, there are shows put on by the cruise, multiple restaurants, and activities such as rock climbing, casinos, etc etc. So don’t worry yourself too much if partying doesn’t tickle your fancy as there are a plethora of other ways to have a good time. Fundamentally, it’s your vacation and you choose what you want to do.

 

The staff are friendly and the quality of service doesn’t just go out the window

Some people worry that the staff won’t be as friendly or might treat them coldly due to the nature of the cruise. But there’s no need to get your jockstrap in a twist, many members of staff on-board know exactly what they’re getting into. In fact, some actually volunteer to work on a gay cruise. Maybe due to the fact that us gay men, in general, are friendlier, politer, more fun and we tip more. Plus this also gives them the luxury of not having to deal with screaming children running amok whilst catering to their entitled parents. That being said, respect is reciprocated. Don’t be an entitled ass, treat the staff with respect as well, since they are also the ones cleaning up after you.

 

This covers what you can generally expect at a gay cruise. Again, all of them are different, we can’t give you an exact run down on what happens from event to event, so you’ll really have to experience it for yourself. Most importantly! Pace yourself. Do not assume you're superman’s long lost gay brother and attempt to go to 2-3 parties a day. You WILL get burnt out. You have a whole week to enjoy the cruise, take it slow on some days — it’s not like anyone’s gonna go anywhere. So the bottom line is: have fun, know your limits, and most importantly stay safe.